Chastity talk for St. James Confirmation Retreat
By Monica Ashour, MTS and Annie Vining, MTh, TOBET President
This Chastity talk was presented by Annie Vining at the St. James confirmation retreat in March of 2006.
© 2006
I. Overview of TOB
a. Intro to TOB: Body reveals the Person; the Body reveals God
b. made to help/love others in the similarities among humans: for example: bodies—arms for hugging, lips for kissing loved ones, eyes for crying with others to comfort, etc
c. and in the complementarity of males and females: the differences show we are meant to be in a communion of persons (friendship with each other) and that is who God is: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are always in friendship with each other/communion of persons. This is one way in which we were made in the image of God
d. “Naked and unashamed” is such an important Scripture verse, Pope John Paul says, because they knew they could form a family together—they were not going to use each other.
e. We can be persons of integrity.
f. Body and soul were made by God to correspond.
g. This is why Jesus speaks of purity of heart: so that our actions reflect an inner truthfulness: what is going on in the soul is the same things as what the body is doing.
h. So, the opposite of integrity is lying with the body, going against what Pope John Paul says is the “language of the body” which should reflect love and respect in truthfulness to others.
i. Examples: Ways of lying with the body include
a. cheating—my body (my arm) hands in an assignment, but interiorly, I know I did not do it—I am lying.
b. Stealing—my body (my hand) grabs something that is not mine, but I use it as if I own it—I am lying with my body.
c. Gossiping—I use my body (my mouth) to say bad things about someone, while at other times pretending that I am a good friend of that person—I am lying with my body.
d. Sexual activity outside of marriage—remember, in marriage, such actions are good, holy, and loving; in fact, God made them SACRED. Outside of marriage, I am lying with my body if I kiss passionately or touch another intimately because those actions say I am married to you, but I am not. I am lying with my body. So, it doesn’t make sense to say, “I care about you so much that I am going to do THIS thing with you….No, it is a lie. At least we could be honest about it— Guys are saying with their bodies: “I just want you for my physical pleasure…” Girls, say, “I will allow you to use me so I can pretend that you like me when I know you and I are not really interested in true love.” Saying it out loud brings a connection between what I am doing with my body and what is happening to my soul.
e. Remember, though, that if we have sinned sexually, we can be forgiven. That is why it is so wonderful that there are priests here throughout the day. We meet Jesus in the sacraments. So He always loves us and puts our sins from us, as far as the East is from the West, Scripture says. We can be persons of integrity again. We can be whole. Jesus can give us His strength, His Grace not to lie with our bodies in all of these ways. We can be pure through His love…which we get especially in the sacrament of Reconciliation you can receive today. There is hope.
II. The Sign of the Male and Female Bodies and The Beauty of Sexuality
a. Think of the human body—male and female 1 Cor 6:20 “glorify God in your bodies.” (Further in the passage with more time allowed it speaks of fornicators/idolaters shall be judged as such).
b. What does the male body symbolize?
i. Rough, Tough, and Buff! Facial hair on men. Huge stature. Big muscles. Hairy chest! Yipes! (Arm wrestle a guy who doesn’t look huge, but big enough to beat me. Tell age. Why teen can beat a female adult?!)
ii. God made guys to have such bodies…why? What is it a sign of? Strength—so, since guys are free, can a guy use his strength any way he wants?? Beat a girl? NO!!!
iii. Ex: A big boy hitting a small girl really hard. Is this the way the male body is supposed to be used? Husbands who beat their wives—are they true to what their body symbolizes?
iv. No, the male body symbolizes strength so that men will help and protect. For Ex. My friend’s 3 brothers came over to her house to move furniture—She and her sisters were not strong enough. They served her. EX. Protect: A guy I heard of, named Fernando, protects his sister---even to the point of death.
c. God made the male body rough, tough, and buff and to be the initiator, going toward the girl; the body is a sign/symbol.
d. God wrote a clue to guys in the way He made their bodies as how they should behave/love if they want to find their ultimate happines: TO PROTECT AND SERVE, ESP. WOMEN AND CHILDREN (Reference to army/navy—to protect and serve—old commercials).
e. So, for a guy to say, “I am free to do whatever I want with my body, even to use a girl” he is violating God’s sign in his body—to give flesh and blood to the world in a loving way. The male body symbolizes strength and protection.
f. Raise your hand if you think that the man who abused my friend by breaking dishes, throwing her clothes out the window, and hitting her is using his male strength the correct way as God designed it. NO ONE raised his/her hand. Good. Then why would society say that if a boy uses a girl sexually that he is a true man?
g. A male who beats up a female is NOT a true man—his body is lying. The same is true for leading a girl on sexually—and I am not only talking about intercourse—that male is NOT being a man. A man LOVES when it is difficult.
h. You guys, are true defenders of girls when they respect them and the beauty of their personhood, not using their bodies as some sort of toy. Defend her dignity as a woman. Die for her—like Fernando did— even though it is more likely that the way you will die for her is by setting aside your lust to wait for your wife.
i. What does the female body symbolize?
ii. Soft and aloft: aloft means higher—so “higher” beauty, soft:Curves/no prickly facial or chest hair/beautiful face/eyes/hair
iii. Ex. If a 2 year old walked in here buy knew no one, would he go to one of these girls or this big guy
j. Womb—open space to welcome others. The woman’s body is made by God so that a baby inside of her is warm, safe, and fed—a mother with an unborn child inside has to make sure she eats well so her baby gets good nutrition. She loves the baby and is in relationship with the baby before any other human person.
k. What are these features of the female body a sign of? Welcoming and embracing. Whereas men by
their stature alone may be feared (in order to be better able to defend), women were made by God to bring people to them so as to be loved.
l. Women, too, may say, “I have freedom with my body—I can do whatever I want with it. I can murder the baby that lives inside my womb.” Is that a true woman? Just like the man who beats a woman or a man who uses a woman for his sexual gratification is selfish—and he is lying with his body, so the woman who has an abortion goes totally against what her body symbolizes—welcoming and safety and love—turns into murder in the name of freedom.
m. Caveat—my experience with college students who have had abortions—Project Rachel, they can be forgiven. But why do they later experience grief? Because they did not glorify God in their bodies. They lied with their bodies.
n. Let’s look at this from another angle: Breasts —What are these a symbol of? Nurturing/feeding others. We were made by God to take care of babies. In our bodies, we can feed others.
o. What about the girls who say, it’s my body—I can be in a magazine for men to look at. Instead of the sacredness of the breasts symbolizing sustaining of life for a baby to have nourishment, the girls lie with their bodies and hurt men who get addicted to pornography.
p. And girls, you may feel loved at the time of sexual promiscuity, but let us not fool ourselves. Later, we feel terrible. Why? Because we were used (and used him for our emotional gratification). (Read my former student’s letter who says exactly that—at the time, seems loved by she hates herself, now wants to cut herself, destroy herself. Why? Because she was violated.
III. All of this is encapsulated in Jesus and His love for His Bride, the Church.
a. Pope John Paul II says, the man is mainly “He who loves.”The woman is mainly, “She who IS loved.”
b. Note: This is not to say that women do not love. Think about mothers!! How they must love always. But females symbolize the Church who receives Jesus gift of self on the Cross; she lets Him sanctify her.
c. So, guys. Jesus was the Man of the Century…the Man of all Times, rather! If you want to grow up to be a true man, look at Jesus on the Cross. (Story of Zack Barcevac—Every talk he gave to men for Marriage Encounter, he had a crucifix in his hand saying, this is what it means to be a man, a husband. Shed flesh and blood to help you and your wife to be holy. –He died the same day, 2 years previous, as Fernando, June 20, on his and his wife’s 4th anniversary).
d. Far from using others, Jesus always loved with his body—“This is my Body, given.” You guys can say the same—but until you are married, you give your body in ways proper to how you are now. Carry books, open doors, move furniture, lift a hurt child, etc.
e. You can start saying, “This is my body, given” now so that you are prepared to shed give flesh and blood to your Bride, the Church, as a priest, or to you wife as a husband. But glorify God with your bodies. Do not hurt girls. Sexual activity hurts girls worse than hitting them. It does damage that takes years to heal. Respecting them helps them know they are really loved.
f. Girls, you are not off the hook. Pope JP II says if you allow yourself to be used, you are also using. Don’t hurt these guys. If you lead them on by the way you act or even dress, you do not know how much damage you bring to them. It is difficult for them to resist such temptations in such a society, esp. with pornography. Do not help them become enslaved.
g. You were made to be loving and supportive, not seductive and enslaving. (I know some male friends who have been or are enslaved to pornography because they started at a young age, and it is so hard to stop. Help them, ladies. Don’t lead them to sin.
h. Glorify God with your bodies which means being modest in the way you act and dress.
IV. The Sign of Marriage and Sexuality
a. Intro—1 Jn 4:7-8 God is love. 3 persons
b. God invented sex and sexuality. It is a form of worship! Marital intercourse is beautiful; it combats the devil who hates because marital intercourse shows/is a sacrament of total love…it participates in Jesus’ love on the Cross and makes it present.
c. So when people engage in foreplay, arousing each other before marriage, they are desecrating the truth of love, esp. intercourse. You would never dream of taking the Eucharist and desecrating it! It is the highest form of worship. In the same way, you are desecrating the 2nd highest form of worship, marital intercourse by engaging in sexual activity.
d. IT IS NOT BECAUSE IT IS BAD THAT THE CHURCH TEACHES THAT FOOLING AROUND IS WRONG—IT IS BECAUSE IT IS HOLY—IT IS SACRED!!--WITHIN MARRIAGE. So that is why outside of marriage it is so wrong.
i. Comparison—Mass and the Car. Picture this scenario.
1. At Mass. You worship God with your body. You glorify God with your body..
2. At Mass, you say, “I love you God.”
3. At Mass, you join all the saints to glorify God with your bodies.
4. In a car—you use your body for your own pleasure, desecrating your body and hers (his).
5. In a car—you say, “I love you,” and you do this with your body but you are a liar. To love would be the opposite.
6. In a car, you go against giving glory to God and all the saints are grieved.
e. It does not have to be that way. You can glorify God with your bodies. Guys, girls really are so amazed, their needs are met by a small gesture (touch my face or hold a hand—gentle). To really love is to try to meet her needs.
f. Girls, guys really want affirmation of their manhood, by you being their friend in hard times, respecting them, never making fun of them, helping them be courageous and brave.
g. Society does not think you can really be respectful. They give condoms/contraception which says, “You teens are hopeless.”
h. The Catholic Church—think of World Youth Days that JPII began—does believe in you. With God’s help it is possible to really love others and to find the happiness that God meant for us from the very beginning. Let us glorify God in our bodies!
i. (Introduce drama. No clapping. No laughing. If you are more immature, hold your hand over your mouth. Let the mature ones be moved. At the end, some people will kneel. I Invite you to do the same)
j. After drama, say a prayer before the Blessed Sacrament for these young people. Amen.
Annie Vining can be contacted at avining@tobet.org
Monica Ashour can be contacted at mashour@tobet.org
The Theology of the Body Evangelization Team can be reached at info@tobet.org
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