Theology of the Body for Life Teen

© 2004

Theology of the Body (TOBET)—Talk to Teens

III. So we have covered that through the human body, we know that we can determine our lives and our meant to be gifts. What about my second point: we are not to use others in a bad way. Now, first, know that I am not only talking about using someone sexually. We can use others in various ways; we get to that in just a second. I also want to make clear that I am not talking about good use. Like the Holy Spirit is hopefully using me in a good way right now. It is not using a friend in a bad way to ask for help on homework or to lend you money…unless you do it just for selfish reasons. See, the opposite of love—which is the same thing as the gift of self-- is not hate. No, it is use.

1. Let’s go back to Jesus who sends us to Genesis to find out why this is so wrong. Remember the passage, naked and unashamed which the Pope says is so key to understanding the meaning of life?? What happened so that only 7 verses later from Gen 2;25 (naked and unashamed) to Gen 3:7 which says they realized they were naked and covered themselves?
2. Consider what happened between those verses. The serpent tricked them, saying that they wouldn’t die and Eve thought the food from the forbidden tree was good for food. Those two passages seem small, but the huge thing they are saying is that God ought not be trusted. Satan (the serpent) basically says not to believe God who gives us rules to live by. He just doesn’t want us to have fun—so disobey his laws. And Eve, by saying the tree looked good and by eating, also doesn’t trust God to give her good things. She thinks God is mean and doesn’t want her to have fun. Therefore, she TOOK, not trusting that God and His laws would make her happy.
3. This leads us to the fig leaves. The Pope points to the huge symbolism of the fig leaves. He says that after the Fall, Adam and Eve stopped wanting to give of themselves, but wanted to start taking, start using each other. They questioned each other’s gift of self and decided to use the other rather than give the gift of self.
4. Don’t you do that to? You probably do not even realize the ways in which you use others. Now, lest you think I am using the word only in the way we often think about…sexually using others, let me let you know a mistake I made the other day in using a student of mine. I was tired, and I knew I needed to contact a student’s dad because she was not doing studying and had failed a vocabulary test. I knew that I should have told her first what her grade was and that I was calling her father…but I was tired and could not be bothered. I don’t think I realized at the time that I was using my student. Because I was tired, I violated the respect she deserved. I realized the next day that I had used her because she told me, “Miss, the next time, will you tell me what I made on my test before you call my father?” I realized my error and apologized then and there. She forgave me. What about you:
   • Do you only use your parents for their car, their money, for convenience? Do you see them as people with a name?
   • Do you use your LifeTeen Adult Core Group, not helping them clean up afterward, not thanking them for the valuable time they spend on you?
   • Do you only talk to certain people if they help you…someone who can drive you to a party, someone who will hook you up on a date, someone who will get homework from (caveat—I am not talking about true friends who help each other).
   • Do you only think about your teachers as people you have to manipulate, kiss up to to get a good grade? Do you ever think about the problems they might be having in life?
   • Do you help your coaches/band director/stage manager after practice to collect equipment? Do you thank them?
   • Have you (or guys, has your girlfriend) had an abortion where you used up your baby’s life for what you thought was your happiness without considering the baby’s happiness?
   • Have you engaged in passionate sexual activity, for if so, whether you believe it or not, you are using the other person. Don’t fool yourself or be fooled by saying you love the other person. That is not love. Girls, when you allow yourself to be used, the Pope says that you, too, are using. We are not off the hook. (Mention somewhere here that rape is the exception for the women. It is not their fault). (Generally, boys use girls for physical pleasure, but we use guys for emotional pleasure).
   • Girls, do you where clothes which say, “Please use me!” Guys, do you look lustfully at girls or pornography, which says you are already using that person?
   If you have to use others, sexually or otherwise, you are doing what Adam and Eve did…you are questioning God’s goodness. You don’t believe that He wants you happy. You think that He wants to deny you pleasure and freedom by saying that you cannot engage in physical activity before you’re married or you are not supposed to use others by cheating or stealing…so you have to take. Further, you don’t believe in your boyfriend/girlfriend if you think that I have to take from her/give to him or I will not be loved. That is not love.
5. But there is hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus knows that you have used others. He knows your heart. Right now, we are going to give you time to reflect on the ways in which you have used others, perhaps even unknowing…and right now you can repent. There are priests who will be here to hear confessions. If we run out of time and you cannot see a priest, tell Jesus that you want His forgiveness and you will try to see a priest next week. The Pope in His TOB makes it clear that Jesus can restore us to living lives where we will not use others. It may take us a while because we are in a bad habit. But allow Jesus to heal you and slowly change you so that you won’t use others nor allow yourself to be used.

Monica Ashour can be contacted at mashour@tobet.org

The Theology of the Body Evangelization Team can be reached at info@tobet.org