Oklahoma Conference Talk

•      The adultery laden soap opera mentality
•      Porn on our billboards
•      Contraception being handed out like candy at Halloween
•      Abortion on demand
•      Fault free divorce
•      And a general disdain for children as an annoyance

a.  It was because of the ideas in the TOB that I came back to the Catholic Church

b.  I also know that the idea’s in the TOB were also a lynch pin for Annie to embraced her Catholicism as well.

c.  Let me tell you a little about our story to give you an idea about what I’m talking about…

 i.     The first words I ever said to Annie when I met her was “Annie, I’m your husband”

ii.     Now this wasn’t just an amazingly coincidental pickup line. I said this because… and we began to date…

iii.     Annie and I discovered while we dated that we had both had quite checkered pasts and we had dealt with them at some level, but there was still more healing that was needed.

iv.     But, while we were dating we heard the TOB preached in a two-day conference for the first time.

v.     When we heard the TOB, it suddenly became clear why we should give ourselves to God in marriage. vi.       We suddenly understood what to do to have a successful dating relationship and why we should sacrifice to do so.

vii.     We were no longer just haphazardly hoping to “do all the right things”, we were consciously making decisions that would protect our relationship from the temptations that were trying to destroy it, and not only that, but we had God’s help!

viii.      Now that we are married, we have devoted our married life to living the TOB and spreading it through TOBET.

ix.       We want to tell you the way to keep your relationships on the right track so that you can avoid the kind of the pain and difficulty we encountered before we began living this message and which affects us to this day.

x.       We also want to share with you the secret to finding that kind of secure, vibrant, and fulfilling love that every person has a desire for deep in their heart.

d.  Main Thesis: The TOB teaches that the Secret to Successful Marriages is giving yourself fully, freely, faithfully, and fruitfully

e.  Where we are going in this talk…                        (REFER TO OUTLINE)

·      Gen: What is God like?

·      Gen: What does it mean to be made in God’s image?

·      Eph: How does marriage image God?

iii. How to discern marriage in a good way.

a.  The story of the TOB is one of the great spiritual battles of our times. Up until the 1930’s, all Christian denominations and The Church taught that contraception was wrong in all circumstances. Widespread questioning of Church teaching on this topic did not come into fashion until the 60’s. So, Pope Paul VI wrote the historic document “Humane Vitae” in 1968 to settle once and for all the question of the morality of contraception. But, Humane Vitae calls for (without itself going into so much detail) a full explanation of the human person, an “adequate anthropology” to explain the why behind the Church’s teaching that contraception is always wrong. As you can imagine, this was not received well by society.

b.  However, it was at that very time that Karol Wojtyla (aka John Paul II), began work on what would, 10 years later, be taught by the pontiff at the very first chance he had as Pope. John Paul announced to the world the adequate anthropology called for by Paul VI… It would amount to the greatest explanation in all of Church history of Catholic belief, not just about contraception, but about the entire human person: It is known as The Theology of the Body.)

c.  NOT OPT: The TOB is based on the idea that if we do not understand what we were made for (as persons who are more than sophisticated monkeys), then we will have a hard time figuring out how to concoct a successful relationship. (I.e. If you don’t know that your car was made to run on gas, and so you put in your gas tank, then you are going to have a hard time getting your car to work.) Many people never get out the instruction manual to read about why their relationships work the way they do, and sometimes they don’t even know where to find it! (You should see my glove compartment!)

a.  the ad intra’s gift of self… ffff; this is the definition of true love

b.  What is God like? He is a gift of self that if ffff.

a.  Cookie cutter analogy: God is the form and we are the “clay”, He made us in his image so that we could be united with him and with others (heaven is union with God and others)

b.  And he is a unity of body and soul; (much like the “dirt” and “water” in clay, not at all like a hand in a glove) Thus the body bears the image of God in it (and thus it deserves respect or it "has dignity"). It is not just a part of nature, a physical object, it is the visible dimension of a spiritual being.

c.  This reminded JPII of a sacrament since a sacrament makes visible what is invisible. (Ex: Baptism) So he said, the body is the sacrament of the person, made in the image of God.

d.  The body shows God’s image most of all in his sexuality which is the aspect of him that makes him most able to love as God loves: to be an image of God’s ffff gift of self

e.  Some cool implications of these ideas:

i.     Through the complimentary sexes, humankind is able to give their entire self to their spouse, communing with them so much as to become one "flesh" and in a way that is fruitful   (Gen: “In the image of God He created them, male and female He created them.”)

ii.     Everyone feels the desire to "know" and be known… It is the desire to love and be loved in return. This is a confirmation of being made in the image of God and a drive toward fulfilling this image

f.  The point: When we fulfill the image in which we were made, we find happiness

a.  Jesus is the image of the invisible God (on the cross he shows what kind of love God is) He brings marriage as an image of God to its fulfillment, deepening it to become a sacrament of God’s gift of self

b.  On the cross, Jesus shows us true love by giving His body in a full, free, faithful, and fruitful (H.S.) way

c.  This gift establishes the eternal marriage: the new covenant: the union of Christ and the Church (Read Eph 5: 21-32, this is where all these teachings are in Scripture); All sacramental marriages are a sacrament of this eternal marriage

d.  And, He gains for us the grace to actually live like He did, no matter what the cost

a.  We were made to be given (image of God, Vat II, man can only find himself…); we were made for marriage. Our sexual desire propels us forward towards it. This is why JPII said that "Sexual desire is the desire to love as God loves."   JP II also said that People “image God not so much in their solitude as in the moment of their communion.”

b.  How? Marriage is a sacramental participation in the true Love of God shown by Jesus on the cross

c.  Remember: A sacrament is something that makes the invisible visible.

d.  Sex makes marriage a sacrament (fine print: as long as it makes Jesus’ invisible love for the Church visible… If it makes another kind of “love” visible, then it is not a sacrament. –ex)Baptizing in tar.)

e.  How can sex make Jesus’ love visible? It images Jesus on the cross when it is a gift of self that is full, free, faithful, and fruitful (do the four f’s with an example and its opposite.)

f.  Include practice questions: signs and “Which of the four f’s does this one break?” put specific examples here

g.  Incidentally, the pope includes in "marriage" that gift of self by which a person offers their sexuality to God alone in the religious life or priesthood

a.  The TOB points out that there are two kinds of relationships: those which are for discerning marriage and those which are just in it for what they get can get out of the other person. (draw this out for them)

i.     A good question to ask is: Am I interested in entering into the kind of nuptial (and redeeming) love shown by Jesus on the cross with this person? Are they interested in it?

b.  Modesty is how we help others to see us as persons, thus we protect ourselves from being used and we love the other by helping them not to lust. If the body makes me, a person with great dignity, visible, how should I dress? In a way that highlights my dignity, rather than destroys it. In a way that helps keep my relationship in the “discernment” category and not in the “using” category.

c.  Of those who date to discern, there are those who leave the body out (which is bad in the opposite direction we normally think of), and those who allow the body to make their relationship visible.

i.     This sacramental view of the body in the relationship can be applied in an infinite number of good directions (i.e. when my fiancé and I helped to give birth to a man into eternal life on the first Divine Mercy Sunday, or by maintaining friendships with others of the opposite. sex besides my date, since we are not married)

d.  Involving the body in a relationship can be done in a truthful way (where the body makes visible the invisible relationship they actually have) or it can be done in a way in which the couple uses their bodies to lie about their relationship: who make visible a relationship they don’t actually have-sex outside marriage (language of body)

e.  Among those who don’t have sex there are those who enter into the acts of sex without going “all the way.” These acts, which help to get ready for sex are actually a part of having holy sex in marriage. They express a marriage relationship. Even this is a way to lie with the body.

f.  Those who don’t lie with their bodies but who still allow their bodies to express the relationship they actually have are said to have the virtue of chastity. A self control which has the power to do good things without letting them go astray. This means never intentionally trying to sexually arouse another person, while still allowing room for showing your sexuality: I.e. flirting, innocent kisses, holding each other, holding hands, spending time alone with each other, etc. Ex) There are two ways to slow dance. I’m talking about the kind you dance with your brother…

a.  The body must make visible the relationship that actually exists invisibly, otherwise we are using our bodies to lie. Do relationship diagram.

b.  Married people make visible through their bodies (sex) the deepest level of relationship that two human beings can have (we have seen above how they can use their bodies to lie). Thus NFP is essential.

c.  Singles do not have this kind of relationship with one another, and this is why the Church is against them having sex with one another (Jesus is the Truth, He does not want us to lie)

d.  And, part of having sex includes those actions by which we prepare the other person for it. These actions cannot be divorced from sex and still be considered loving any more than dangling a carrot in front of a person that you have intentionally starved can be considered loving.

e.  This is why we need the self mastery called chastity: to be able to love others without lying about our relationship or using the other against their God given dignity; to be able to direct our sexual energy towards true love and not towards lying or lust

f.   This takes a great deal of spiritual strength or virtue

g.  But this virtue makes us truly free (how free is a person who has no choice but to lust, who is unable to choose otherwise?)

a.  God’s grace given to us on the cross is more powerful than all of hell.

b.  Because of the four f’s you can easily tell what is a good way to embody your relationship and what is a sin which means you can guard and defend your relationships against the temptations that are trying to keep you from the marriage of your dreams.

c.  With prayer, mortification, receiving the sacraments, as well as communication about when we find some action of our date a temptation to lie with our bodies, we will be able to fight the battle for a truthful relationship. This strength is called chastity.

d.  If you have made mistakes in this area, now is the perfect time to set your relationships back on track by going to confession and if necessary to counseling with a good Catholic therapist.

e.  We were made for heaven and our job here on earth is to get ready… we never know how much time we have left!

a.  First, Annie and I described the relationship of the Trinity – A gift of self that is FFFF

b.  Annie then described how man is made in the image of God

c.  I then spoke about Jesus gift of self on the cross that was FFFF

d.  Annie then spoke about marriage and how to properly live out marriage by giving a GOS that is FFFF

e.  You then helped us by demonstrating how some common sexual deviations fail to image God’s love

f.  I then talked about the different kinds of relationships that people have and defined what makes a healthy relationship

g.  Annie then spoke about healthy boundaries in a relationship and that you have the power to choose what type of relationship you want to have.

a.  Announced by John Paul II in the first 5 years of his pontificate at the Wed. audiences

b.  It encapsulates the idea that we can come to know about God by looking at the body and that we can come to understand the body by looking at God

a.  In the Trinity the divine persons give themselves eternally to one another ffff

a.  And he is a unity of body and soul; the body expresses the person, it makes visible what is invisible

b.  Thus the body bears the image of God in it (and thus it deserves respect or it “has dignity”)

c.  Particularly in his sexuality which is the aspect of him that makes him most able to love as God loves: to be an image of God as a Trinity of love

d.  Through the complimentary sexes, humankind is able to give their entire self to their spouse, communing with them so much as to become one “flesh” and in a way that is fruitful

e.  Everyone feels the desire to “know” and be known… It is the desire to love and be loved in return. This is a confirmation of being made in the image of God and a drive toward fulfilling this image

f.  When we fulfill the image in which we were made, we find happiness

a.  Jesus is how we come to know what God is like in Himself

b.  We see this most of all on the cross, the high point of revelation

c.   On the cross, Jesus shows us true love by giving His body in a full, free, faithful, and fruitful way

d.  We have been made in Christ’s image. This means that if we are to find happiness, we too must find a way to give ourselves in a way that is full, free, faithful, and fruitful

a.  It is a sacramental participation in the true Love of God shown by Jesus on the cross (where he establishes the ultimate marriage: the union of Christ and the Church, the new covenant)

b.  God made sex to be an image of His love

c.  It images Jesus on the cross because it is a gift of self that is full, free, faithful, and fruitful (explain Jesus' gift and how married people image this as well how people destroy God's image in sex through their opps: sex outside of marriage [He reserved the right to change his mind about our salvation], cohabitation [75% divorce rate], por, contraception. In fact, “Sexual desire is the desire to love as God loves.” –Pope JPII

d.  The pope includes in “marriage” that gift of self by which a person offers their sexuality to God alone in rel. life or priesthood

a.  Means and ends, these are two ways to get to the same end

b.  Giving money to nuns example

c.  Contra lies with body about vows, mutilates God’s image in us, and makes our sex an anti sacrament

d.  NFP gives fully all the time, there are just times when God has not made us to have fertility to give; we should be generous and prudent…

a.  First, they show how important it is to live a sacramental life

b.  They set up a very concrete and definite choice for us between having faith in God who will sustain us on this very difficult path and determining that God is not trustworthy to help us do His will.

c.  Second, they set the standard for holy actions in marriage: giving yourself in a disinterested manner (selfless self preservation and selfless pursuit of your spouses holiness)

d.  Third, they show that keeping romance alive in your marriage is an important part of a holy marriage… if you never have sex, your marriage is not very sacramental is it?

e.  In cases where your spouse in not necessarily in a these issues: advice-pray and offer sacrifices for him, give him a C. West or Janet smith CD to listen to in the car on the way to work, discuss C. West’s book “good news”, gently introduce him to this way of thinking by giving little tidbits of it, start praying together or going to daily mass together

f.  Remember, if it is wrong don’t give in on doing it! God will support you with His grace when you are trying to do His will.

a.  Sex was made by God to be a visible sign of His invisible love for us, shown by Jesus on the cross (Eph 5)

b.  This is why sexual desire is a gift from God that propels us toward heaven

c.  When we take advantage of our desire appropriately, it will lead us to the greatest happiness possible, helping us to live a fulfilling married life!

d.  agreement on