TOBET—A Series of 3 Talks to Junior High

This talk is geared more to the less experienced young teens. There is another talk for those who have been more influenced by society. (Before I give talks, I make sure I speak to youth ministers about the specific needs. We need to make sure we do not violate the psycho-sexual development of youth nor violate parents’ desires regarding their kids).

Talk 1: The Meaning of our Bodies and “Un-being” Ourselves vs. St. Me

The Visible reveals the Invisible—The Body “speaks”
- How do you know I am here—you see my body.
- How do you know I am sad—you see me frown
- How do you know I am excited—you see me jump up and down

The way that God made our bodies look shows that we are to go toward others in friendship. (Depending on time: I sometimes have junior high make playdoh figurines (or with less time, they draw ugly figurines on poster board), the goal of which is to make them extremely ugly. The purpose—if God made us like that, we would know (it would be a sign that we are supposed to be enemies. We are supposed to hate each other, not be friends.)
- Think of how God could have made our bodies: like a porcupine, like a whale, like orcs from Lord of the Rings. Those show not we are to reach out to others, but others are to be fearful.
- Think of how God actually made our bodies. Hands to help pick a person off the ground. Arms to hug. Eyes to look into and see the wonder of the other person. Feet to walk to a friend and have fun with. Mouths to tell each other that we are their friends.

We have the freedom to act with our bodies like God gave us, or we can do the opposite—be like porcupines to others. Proper sexuality means reaching out to others to help them.
- We can help each other with homework.
- We can help each other with family problems.
- We can help our parents.
- We can help our teachers.
  - All of this entails using our bodies properly.

We have the freedom to act with our bodies the wrong way, violating others and ourselves. When we do this, we “un-be” ourselves (Pope Benedict’s term). We become less of who we are. We know internally that we know something but our bodies do the opposite. For instance (with time, I sometimes have junior high act this out):
- We cheat on homework or a test. Here, we know that we did not do the work, but with our bodies (our arms reaching out and turning in the paper to our teachers), we lie.
- We lie to our parents. We know a certain thing that our parents should know, but with our bodies (our mouths convey words saying the opposite of what we know interiorly), we lie.
- We can disobey our parents and never want to help with chores. We know we should do something, but with our bodies (staying on the phone, on the internet, etc.), we lie; we don’t live how we should live.
- We steal. We know inside our hearts that something does not belong to us, but with our bodies (we keep something as if we own it), we lie.
- We gossip. We can lie with our bodies when we say to a person’s face, “I am your friend,” but then behind his/her back you backstab him.
- We can lie with our bodies when we say, “I love you to a boy/girl,” and then participate in sexual things that God made so holy that they are reserved for marriage. (Here, we can go into more detail on sexuality depending on the needs of the teens of the parish/group). But that, too, is lying with our bodies.

What can we do to live out the “language of the body,” to live the truth of our bodies, to be St. Me?
- Work on our purity of heart as Jesus said in Matthew 5 and having our bodily actions follow:
  - When tempted to lie, remember integrity—the body and soul should go together.
  - When tempted to cheat, steal, gossip, be lazy, remember, do what your inner heart knows is right…then you will be happy; you will be Saint Stephen, Saint Susie, Saint Monica (for me) (what are your names).
  - Eventually, those temptations will not be as strong and you will become virtuous…it will not be difficult. You will be truly free.
  - Think about Mother Mary. She ALWAYS had a pure heart and outer actions corresponding. She was always a person of integrity.
  - Go to the Sacraments. Our Eucharistic Jesus will transform us as we become more and more one with Him.
  - Go to Confession. We can’t become St. Me on our own. We need Jesus. We need forgiveness.

Talk 2: The gift of self and the call to holiness; Integrity and its opposite, lying with our bodies.

We talked about how you and I ought to tell the truth with our bodies. This means not only in the area of sex, but in other areas. Don’t lie with your body about anything. To lie with our bodies means we “un-be” ourselves (draw the diagram of “un-being.”) To be holy means to be St. Me. All we have to do is be ourselves and give ourselves as gifts to others. Holiness does not mean praying all the time or being boring or humorless. The greatest saints were the funniest.

So, how do we know who we are.
- We learn our likes and dislikes—spinach, green, Mexican food. This type of music, etc.
- We learn more of who we are when we serve others. That’s how we find out more and more about ourselves. (Story of Annette Rudell). We are gifts.
  - We are gifts when we let people cry on our shoulders.
  - When we laugh with others.
  - When we watch Sam Houston State Football Team.
  - When we do school projects together.
  - When we clean after ourselves.

These things and so many others are the small ways to make us holy. We become St. Me.

The opposite of love, of being St. Me, is not hatred but to use others

Do you use others when you only talk to them for what you can get—money, a DVD, a cool computer game, a ride in the car, etc?
Do you use your parents when you only want what they can give you—not just for them being them?
Do you only call someone if you know he/she will help you with your homework?
Do you only play with your brother/sister if you will get something else from them?
Do you only talk to your teacher if he/she gave you a good grade?
Do you use even God when you never talk to Him except what you can get from Him? (Caveat…He wants us to ask, but I want to challenge them to pray more than just petitionary prayer).

So, remember. Be Saint Me. Love others—be good to your friends. Do not use others. Do not lie with your body. Being a saint means being who God made you—your perfect self.

Talk 3: The Meaning of our Bodies and the Meaning of Marriage

We have talked about our bodies revealing us—that we are meant to go toward others to help them. How, with our bodies, we can give to others or do the opposite—hurt others, especially by lying with our bodies or using them. We can un-be or be St. Me.
Our bodies also have a message inscribed in them because there are 2 ways of being human, we might say: male and female. God made us that way to show us that loving a spouse is good and holy.
- Before our parents were married, what did our dads do to show our moms they loved them: buy flowers. Write a poem. Take her to see a sunset. Hold her hand. Tell her that he liked her. Kiss her. All of these are good ways of saying with the body that he cared for her.
- But there is something very special—because it is so special not because it is bad—that is saved for marriage. Those actions beyond kissing are reflective of what marriage says. They are concerned with the 4 f’s
  - Free
  - Full
  - Faithful
  - Fruitful

If our bodies are trying to be true to what God made, then those 4 will ultimately be expressed in marriage only. So having sex before marriage or doing other sexual activities before marriage are really LIES. People who do that are lying with their bodies. Let me tell you why.

What married people do to show their love shows that they are free. When teenagers and others misuse their gift of sexuality, by, for instance, getting into pornography, they are no longer free. Some get used to kissing others—almost anyone, and then they are not free. Only in marriage can there be true freedom.
What married people do to show their love shows that they are giving themselves fully. They hold nothing back. With their bodies they say, “Honey, I give you my mind, my money, my imagination, my life, my fertility.” People who misuse their bodies are lying because they cannot say that.
What married people do to show their love shows they are faithful. To engage in sexual activity says, “you will be the only one in my life forever.” So people who are not married who wrongly use their bodies in various ways are lying, because they will not be faithful all their days.
What married people do to show their love shows that they are open to be fruitful. People who are married are the ones who are supposed to have babies, because kids need parents. So, marital sex is to be open to having babies. People who are not married do not want to have babies; they just want to use the other person. They are not open to being fruitful, so they lie with their bodies.

Marriage and sex are good. God made them. But people can abuse the gifts, just like some people abuse alcohol or candy or any other good thing. Learn to be honest with your body.

Monica Ashour can be contacted at mashour@tobet.org

The Theology of the Body Evangelization Team can be reached at info@tobet.org