I Love and Responsibility comes before but goes ahead of TOB
a In Love and Responsibility, JPII goes beyond the scope of TOB.
b Here we find the application of the theology in TOB to the actual act of having sex.
c Since sex is what makes marriage sacramental (TOB), this is where JPII explains what is entailed in the foundation of holiness in the married life.
d This is where the TOB is applied to holiness in the married vocation because it shows what practicalities are required in a married relationship in order to live out the marital holiness taught in TOB.
II General formulation of the problem: the difficulties of living holiness in the married state
a Since sex is not just two bodies reproducing, rather it is two people relating to each other, the guiding principle must be love: the personalistic norm.
b Personalistic norm: a person must never be treated as an object or as a means to my own ends, but rather as an end; with love.
c How can men and women love each other through sex when they are so differenly disposed toward it?
i. Males and female differ greatly in their curve of sexaul arousal and in the emotional response to sex.
ii. Men are faster to be aroused; emotional gratification comes after consummation
iii. whereas women are slower to be aroused and require emotional gratification before they are emotionally ready for sex.
iv. Their sexual urge makes it difficult for men to remian continent until such time that they can bring their wife to climax with them, at the same time.
v. Things can be further hindered, JPII states, by a man who expects things to go too quickly for his wife.
vi. When he puts her feelings aside, this can lead to secondary frigidity, a further difficulty to be overcome.
vii. We can see how the fall (perhaps the differences in timing their bodies/emotional lives) and porn (instant gratification for men) and romantic movies/songs/books (setting a false standard) pose extreme challenges to living a sacramentally married life.
d C.West points has done well making it known that the man's waiting is a virute in a particular act, but the Pope also puts that waiting into a braoder context of the whole culture of the relationship in the marriage.
i. i.e. man who was standing by his car and the lady by hers… for a time this is as close as they will be during courting.
ii. This is paralleled in marriage, where the love that began at courting will be sustained in the same way that it was begun
iii. after difficulties and times where forgiveness is necessary, sometimes they must even start over
III Solution to the problem
a Based on sexology: Precursor to the theology of the Body. He takes the medical knowledge of how the body works (the language of the body) and applies it to the ethical understanding of two people loving one another in sex.
b He uses our understanding of the science of the body to determine what holiness in the married life consists of.
c First is necessary the virtue of continence, so that the wife is not forced (sometimes brutally) to have sex (dating without foreplay and nfp are two good practices put in holiness section)
d Second is the education which first teaches that the other is "more important than I".
e Third is the tenderness, springing from the these two steps, which helps both husband and wife understand where the other is coming from.
f Fourth is the teaching on the part of the wife about her emotional life and a readiness to learn on the part of the husband. (virtue of humility and mercy/patience)
g Fifth is the spontenaeity in sexual realtions which springs from this education, where each seeks the happiness of the other.
IV Holiness is an absolute must
a We can see by looking at our society how strong the sexual urge is
b To be able to harness that energy, we must be even stronger. (i.e. lightening rod)
c Jesus is the "stronger man" (cf Bible) who enables us to win the battle, which is waged at every step in this process.
d They, in fact, becoming one as husband and wife, find themselves in the situation in which the powers of good and evil fight and compete against each other."
e But Jesus' love mediated by the sacrament of marriage shows itself to be "stronger than death."
V Virtue is necessary for holiness in marriage
a Virtue is the trickling down of the baptismal waters into the depths of our hearts, washing away all remnants of concupiscence and enabling us to make an absolutely complete gift of self.
b It is life according to the Spirit spoken of in TOB, it is how God makes us holy.
c When JPII states in TOB that sex is a necessary component of the sacrament of marriage, given the context of L and R, he is not meaning the mere willed joining of two bodies, but rather the joining of two persons within the totality of their emotional life, their virtue, their will, their reason, their bodies etc. all that they are. This happens not only in one act of consummation, but is embodied in the whole life of the spouses. Then it consummated, brought together and summed up.
d Thus virtue is absolutely necessary for living the universal call to holiness in marriage. It is necessary for living a sacramental marriage period. This is most likely one of the major reasons why Vatican II calls sacramental marriage a path to holiness.
e The demands made by sacramentally consummating the marriage purify the spouses' love and make them holy.
VI The Virtues especially necessary for holy sexual love
a The virtue of continence
i. Married love cannot be sacramental without the virute of continence, otherwise our freedom is compromised
ii. This is yet another example of the complimentarity of the vocations, religious life showing more openly the virute of continence necessary for married people (and all the virtues of religious life apply to marriage)
iii. Pope JP says that this is indirectly the virute of charity, which indicates, that through the virute of tenderness, the sacramental grace of marriage is mediated to the spouses in a particular way
b The virute of tenderness
i. When mixed with humility assists in mutual understanding
ii. Assists the husband esp in learning about his wife with a heart free from undue sexual pressure allowing him to maintain an open mind and a willingness to keep trying.
c The virtue of patience/perseverance and mercy
i. Assists the wife in educating her husband without losing heart and without giving up after failed attempts by her husband
If Time:
Practical note: How to help people prepare for a holy married life-
Pope John Paul adds to the end of this chapter a section on the prevention of problems in the married life through the proper formation of the person. His comments are:
1. We must teach people that the sexual drive is not something which is naturally bad and must be resisted in the name of the good. They are neither morally good nor bad though morally good or bad uses may be made of them. Catechesis
2. People must be convinced that their body can be made to obey them, even in its sexual desire through training. "We must give back to people their consciousness of the freedom of the will and of the fact that the area of sexual expereince is completely subject to the will." Self Discipline
3. People, esp young people, must be set free from the idea that sexual matters are incomprehensible. Sexual matters, though "of great moment and great beauty", are "totally comprehensible and, so to speak, 'ordinary'". This requires timely provision of correct biological information. (Including how the psyche affects the soma.) sexology/sex ed.
4. The most important thing is to transmit the right heirarchy of values and to show that the sexual urge is to be subordinated to love. TOB
VII Conclusion (or endnotes first if time)
a Pope John Paul writes that "a harmonious marriage can overcome… difficulties - but we have shown that this harmony cannot be the result of a technique (i.e. it is not furnished by mere sexology) but only of 'marital culture', or in the last anaysis of the virute of love."
b In L and R, the Pope urges us to elevate sex to the supernatural plane of our vocation to love. He shows how sex inside of marriage can fulfill the demands of holiness by requiring ministers of this sacrament, the spouses themselves, to grow in the virute necessary to have sex in a way that communicates love.
Annie Vining can be contacted at
avining@tobet.org
The Theology of the Body Evangelization Team can be reached at
info@tobet.org
