How Women take a step forward for the good of their marriage
1. Men tend toward having physical needs (jpii actually uses the word "needs" interestingly) fulfilled by the sexual relationship whereas women tend toward the emotional. This means that to make areal gift to the other is to "go outside yourself" (ekstasis) (i.e. become other centered) and give the other what they need. It does not mean "giving" what you would like to receive...
2.This means that for men to initiate ("to put his hand to the latch" cf song of songs) is to build up their wives emotionally (i.e. romance, affection, help around the house-not for the purpose of cleanliness, but so the wife feels supported in her work, praise, compliments, edification, help with the kids, attentiveness to her physical needs and to making sure they get met, going to work, etc.). Then the woman responds by "opening up her garden" (cf. song of songs) to invite him to enjoy her physical delights.
3. In these we see the undoing of the curses of eden... the woman's desire (i.e. "your desire shall be for your husband") is the latch and the man's humble service to the wife means that he does not lord it over her,but rather he opens it. This shows another way to look at the curse as one instead of two: your desire shall become a latch which he will not open-this is detrimental for both (since literally speaking, having a desire for one's husband is a good thing)
4. This means practically that women should work to be as inviting physically to their husbands as they can handle given the state of their emotions, which will be better as their husbands work harder to strengthen them emotionally. This does not mean, however, that women should become emotionally dependant (in the psychological use of the word) on their husbands: they should take responsibility for being in a healthy emotional state through counseling, not doing more than you can handle, having more kids than you can handle, etc.
5. Encourage them to focus on what they can do, not on what thet can't: explain why it bothers you that your husband wants sex without having to give anything to you, or why it is not prudent for him to go on that hunting or fishing trip (even though you would love to sacrifice for him to be able to go) if he wants to have good sex life-it is better for him to have a holy sex life (which will lead him to heaven) than lots of fish or dead animals! Wives can pray, they can explain why they dont want to have sex (perhaps using the above, which means they must really consider why), they can teach their husbands that they should care whether she wants to have sex or not, she can teach him slowly over time how to fulfill her emotional needs, she can pray for him-and really have the theological virtue of hope in God with whom all things are possible.
6. In this way she fulfills one of her geniuses: to teach men how to sacrifice.
